Graalians - View Single Post

Blueh · 03-15-2013

Quick update: I'm almost done revising your story, it should be posted in a half hour or an hour; I haven't had much time to work on it. Also I changed it from script form to a traditional story narrative. By the time I'm done, it'll look more as if you were reading a page from a novel instead of a play script. For the sake of preserving the actual story, I've only altered the dialogue to correct spelling and grammatical errors. However, I did add in some extra detail to the narration to go along with the dialogue.

Edit: All done! Hopefully this is much easier to read and follow along to.

Spoiler

"Hi everybody!" said ILF and Rosie cheerfully to their audience.
"I'm ILF," she introduced herself. "I'm not going to say what it stands for, but this is my first fanfiction."
Rosie smiled. "I'm Rosie, short for RoiseRedApple99; I'm co-writing ILF's story," said Roise.
"I only heard that we were working for ILF?" asked Ikuto. "The big question everyone would like to know-" he paused to face Yoru. "Yoru, ask her." "Why me?" "Do it," he insisted.
Rosie's cheeked flushed with anger. "First off," she began. "I'm writing the story whether you like it or not, Catboy!" she exclaimed. "And if you're asking her about what ILF stands for; that is for me to know, and for you not to find out."
Ikuto lit up with fury. "Catboy!?" he shouted. "Did you just call me 'Catboy'? I'm not a Catboy!"
Ran sheepishly gazed at the floor silently. "Actually, you ar--," he cut himself off, embarrassed.
"O.K. that's enough from all of you," said ILF.*Rosie glared back at Ikuto. "Yes, I did call you 'Catboy'. You got a problem with tha-AAAAARRGGGH!" Amu yanked Rosie's hair. "Don't call Ikuto that!"*
"Will somebody do the disclaimer before I claw a certain somebody's face off?" Ikuto said, annoyed. "-and what was she gonna' call me?"
Rosie teased Ikuto, "Gotta' catch me first, and I have nunchuks!" Rosie giggled.
"ILF does not own Shugo Chara, and a certain somebody was not hurt on this dialogue," Dia interrupted out from nowhere.
Ikuto shot Rosie a menacing look. "But maybe in the end," he antagonized.
ILF gawked towards the audience. "Um...O.K." she stuttered. "Let's get to the story."

"Ikuto-Nya, Ikuto-Nya! You gotta get up! Nya!" Yoru spoke in a hushed, commanding tone.
Ikuto remained stiff as a rock. "Yoru, shut up I'm trying to sleep," he mumbled lethargically.
"IKUTO-NYA," Yoru roared. "I'm gonna get Utau if you don't get up!" she warned him.
"Whatever," he replied as he rolled over. "Get Utau- wait," he suddenly snapped out of realization. "What! Okay I'm up!" Ikuto cried.
"That's more like it, Nya," Yoru said proudly. Feeling accomplished after finally waking him up. "We should get out of here before Utau comes and gets us," continued Yoru. She had anticipated a plan to surprise her friends. Now that Ikuto was awake, they could begin. Until suddenly, Ikuto spontaneously hurled himself for the window. Plummeting himself towards the ground below.

"There will be more to come of this tale soon!" said Ikuto. "Please, rest and relax."
"If a lot of people enjoyed it, then there will be an Amuto scene!" Amu chimed in.
Rosie swirved around her confused. "Where's ILF?"
"I'm right here!" she shouted. "Also, readers if you have an idea that you think will make the story better; please, P.M. me!"

03-15-2013	20
Blueh The Orator Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Yes Posts: 3,307	Quick update: I'm almost done revising your story, it should be posted in a half hour or an hour; I haven't had much time to work on it. Also I changed it from script form to a traditional story narrative. By the time I'm done, it'll look more as if you were reading a page from a novel instead of a play script. For the sake of preserving the actual story, I've only altered the dialogue to correct spelling and grammatical errors. However, I did add in some extra detail to the narration to go along with the dialogue. Edit: All done! Hopefully this is much easier to read and follow along to. Spoiler "Hi everybody!" said ILF and Rosie cheerfully to their audience. "I'm ILF," she introduced herself. "I'm not going to say what it stands for, but this is my first fanfiction." Rosie smiled. "I'm Rosie, short for RoiseRedApple99; I'm co-writing ILF's story," said Roise. "I only heard that we were working for ILF?" asked Ikuto. "The big question everyone would like to know-" he paused to face Yoru. "Yoru, ask her." "Why me?" "Do it," he insisted. Rosie's cheeked flushed with anger. "First off," she began. "I'm writing the story whether you like it or not, Catboy!" she exclaimed. "And if you're asking her about what ILF stands for; that is for me to know, and for you not to find out." Ikuto lit up with fury. "Catboy!?" he shouted. "Did you just call me 'Catboy'? I'm not a Catboy!" Ran sheepishly gazed at the floor silently. "Actually, you ar--," he cut himself off, embarrassed. "O.K. that's enough from all of you," said ILF.Rosie glared back at Ikuto. "Yes, I did call you 'Catboy'. You got a problem with tha-AAAAARRGGGH!" Amu yanked Rosie's hair. "Don't call Ikuto that!" "Will somebody do the disclaimer before I claw a certain somebody's face off?" Ikuto said, annoyed. "-and what was she gonna' call me?" Rosie teased Ikuto, "Gotta' catch me first, and I have nunchuks!" Rosie giggled. "ILF does not own Shugo Chara, and a certain somebody was not hurt on this dialogue," Dia interrupted out from nowhere. Ikuto shot Rosie a menacing look. "But maybe in the end," he antagonized. ILF gawked towards the audience. "Um...O.K." she stuttered. "Let's get to the story." "Ikuto-Nya, Ikuto-Nya! You gotta get up! Nya!" Yoru spoke in a hushed, commanding tone. Ikuto remained stiff as a rock. "Yoru, shut up I'm trying to sleep," he mumbled lethargically. "IKUTO-NYA," Yoru roared. "I'm gonna get Utau if you don't get up!" she warned him. "Whatever," he replied as he rolled over. "Get Utau- wait," he suddenly snapped out of realization. "What! Okay I'm up!" Ikuto cried. "That's more like it, Nya," Yoru said proudly. Feeling accomplished after finally waking him up. "We should get out of here before Utau comes and gets us," continued Yoru. She had anticipated a plan to surprise her friends. Now that Ikuto was awake, they could begin. Until suddenly, Ikuto spontaneously hurled himself for the window. Plummeting himself towards the ground below. "There will be more to come of this tale soon!" said Ikuto. "Please, rest and relax." "If a lot of people enjoyed it, then there will be an Amuto scene!" Amu chimed in. Rosie swirved around her confused. "Where's ILF?" "I'm right here!" she shouted. "Also, readers if you have an idea that you think will make the story better; please, P.M. me!" Last edited by Blueh; 03-15-2013 at 12:50 AM.