03-01-2016
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Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 921
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Maybe just expand the sentence, because I just didn't notice the part where he said it. Honestly I should've been paying more attention lol |
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03-01-2016
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Banned
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: fighting alt-right
Posts: 2,570
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03-01-2016
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Sry 4 bad read xD
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 15
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"I've always liked the rain, it helps me sleep." said the boy, while staring out the window as it poured down with rain. "When I was your age, I used to hate the rain. My mother wouldn't allow me to play outside when it did," saying, whilst I close my eyes and tilt my up towards the ceiling. "Now I find it the most calming thing there is to listen to..." I've always liked the sound of the rain, it helps me to sleep. Peering out of the window- Staring sounds too intense 'said the boy, peering out the window upon the dreary downpour. Joining him, I said:' "When I was your age, I used to hate the rain. My mother wouldn't allow me to play outside when it did," Looking up towards the ceiling, I said: "Now, I find it the most calming thing there that there is to listen to..." I didn't fix the tensing here I had overlooked that. Here are a few suggestions for cleaning up the final paragraph... They may not be fully correct, however I found it really difficult to read and this is how I would probably word it. |
03-01-2016
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Registered Storyteller
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 9
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I fixed all of it up, or most of it at least. It was my fault for making it hard to understand. You all should be able to understand it a lot better now. Let me know if you still have a hard time understanding. |
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