these past days, weeks, months, #%&? i've been down almost a year now, not writing, not really playing. that big post i made, split in to multiple parts, i wrote that, i put a lot of effort in. unfortunately, it's been taken down. so that's really demotivating, you know, putting a lot of effort into something, seeing something like that happen, you know, it's like grasping for air, grasping for something, when really, there's nothing.
or -- how do i say? trying to show what is there, not having it recognised,
it's like being pushed again and again, you're trying to get back up, but some 'lil #%&?!ass keeps pushing you back and you're just trying to be as polite as possible. it's like.. why do i gotta sit here and argue with little girls about how i'm using the devices i've rightfully obtained? you know what i mean? sometimes.. you know.. you drop a phone or something.. something breaks... you spill water on something... drop a phone into the toilet.. stuff like that... sometimes, some type of energy just hits you and you're like..
man.. whatchu want from me man, what did i do?
i was just like,
man, i ain't try'na fight. just try'na show you what i am seeing and how i would improve things
when it is actually physically taxing to continue playing.
with what you're expecting of us. now.
you know? it's like.. wow. alright. great. you went and drew a picture. great. what now, how are you now expecting to stop players that seem to play in an out of the ordinary manner in they tracks from playing the game they was playing,
you know, by throwing in some little bs like..
uhh.. oooh look, corona virus this, oh look, feminism that, like i just don't understand, like, just 'cause you drew a picture...
and then, the female staff, they are often just yellin' for you to go and draw your own pictures, saying not to make recolours or edits, when they're out of things to say. they're literally just yellin' to fan the flames and trigger another fight. or just to shut you up guys. and you just let it happen.. i just don't know what to say guys. in your mind what is wrong, like #%&?!.. please, in your mind, please, think, what gives you the right? someone never taught you to keep something to yourself? like.. you have a brain. use it. please. well, i don't know what to say to you guys, i'mma just refer you back to that movie scene from seventeen again with zac efron where he's like man, that's something some other parents gotta deal with. i can't find a link to this scene right now, but yeah, check out that movie. it's a good movie. anyways. about that.
if anyone wants to join me in playing this the way it's meant to be played. if anyone wants to join me, you know,
do feel free to send in a request to join. but please.
make sure you meet the requirements in the guild news before you apply.
i'm not dealing with all that bs no more. i'm just not.

uh, when's the next gst?
how do i join a gst team?
uh, there's this other tag i need to be on is that okay?
uh, can we farm at my house instead? no.
not in my guild.

no clue why they made it this hard to say these words before. it really is annoying. i don't even know why i am here. i was just at home, playing this game and all of a sudden, how do i say this? it's like a gust of wind came and i'm in this game.
i don't know why am i here? why are you here? mysterious.
era, zone and ol west. you really need to adapt your gang systems. get with it. make this little change. it will be so beneficial. to all us. era. with your own forum, it is so annoying. my opinion? close the era-go forum. get with it. move your stuff to this forum where all servers are alike.
talk about frustration.
being caught up in the midst of all this, it's only so much i can do to help you out.
i already stopped giving you these little reassurances that everything is alright. you know? telling you all these things you want to hear..
this past year was so frustrating to me, i can't even begin to describe to you in how many ways i had to hold myself back.
you know, from lashing out and stuff.
like.. there was so many times i could've said something really mean to you. but i didn't.
well, it's not like i wasn't trying. it's just that the non-compliance i've met with was very depressing to see. the resistance i've met with..
very frustrating. i'm tellin' ya. all this frustration.. and then.. you know, people my age, these itty bitty little frustrations, you know,
these little boo boos, what you call 'em, i'm expected to channel it into youtube, instagram and stuff.. again.. just so you can then use it for your own benefit and i'm like nah man, look, we got this awesome game here, why don't we channel it into this game we got here instead? i'm just like, man, how many times do i gotta die and come back to life again? and then you're like, oof, i don't even wanna pick back up the metaphoric pen when you just keep dropping it. very demotivating. especially, when everything started off so good. that was a lot of jealousy and i did not even perceive this before. in my mind, i just did not have any space to see. and why would i?
according to what i've witnessed this past year ignorance is bliss, anyway.

yummy, yummy, yummy, i got love in my tummy.
i was going through a lot of that.
you know?
why do i gotta pee so much now?
what is this strange knocking?
what is this resistive energy i'm up against when i want to express my truth?

i've just been sittin' here, looking at these strange ongoing going ons in my current reality. sitting' here in this house, i been observing,
you know, shining my light and i could not help but notice this idea,
i just couldn't keep it in much longer so i just thought i'd write you this little post. the intro was a little longer than expected, but hey,
it's been a while i been writing. i just really needed some quiet. you know, privacy is something i did not really have ever since i've been beamed from home. it make me think sometimes, you know, am i the only person really living here? anyone actually alive still?
in '18 - '19.. or something, i saw a relatively short kind of a documentary, people were using language, you know, words like, go back to the plantation, stuff like that, you know, it was very shocking to me. seeing these images, it really turned me cold. like a part of my inner child died there. i did not see a lot of joy from there on. i'm glad there's graal, you know, it really reminds you that your inner child is still alive. somehow. somewhere. some way. you know, times like these, they're over. i told this to someone the other day, you know, things really ain't gotta be so ghetto anymore and to me this game is a great step in that direction so idk, i really like to push this game and give it all i got.
i really want this game to succeed. even when sometimes it seems like no one really wanna play how it's meant to be played.
those times are really, really frustrating. i just can't believe that such a simple and small improvement is so hard for y'all to implement into your day to day lives. i don't know what to say. like bruh, i'm so tired of this topic. it's just, i see it everywhere. e v e r y w h e r e. man, i don't know what my ancestors did to you -- but it must've been awful if you're this mad. you know?
but as i said, these times are over, long gone. this past year, what did we all figure out?
we just don't want another war. i'm so tired to use letters to communicate this to you. to get this through to you. anyhow, the idea is pretty simple, nothing too complex and it's that we're gonna dig a hole right under the ledge of the hill that onnet town is standing on. it's going to support the underground tunnel system of classic's world. i've figured that the tunnels that could be dug out there, could head into four directions. one would lead to sarah rei's house which is kind of sort of underground but kind of still on the overworld. a lot of other directions these tunnels could head to, me, in the heat of the moment, i just came up with these ones which would be the underground fox tunnels or the railroad caves leading to snow town and onnet town. i haven't thought about in what other places this underground tunnel system could be dug out going further in the direction of south east or south west, feel free to add some input of where you think these tunnels could go.

Spoiler

here's a few more short ideas i've noted down,

instead of giving us only one option for event alerts, where when you toggle it off, the game stops sending you event alerts completely,
there could be two options that’ll toggle the automatic circus events and admin hosted events on or off separately.

thinking back to earlier times of graal, if you’re an active player now, i think you can agree with me, that the current reconnect screen is a rather uncomfortable addition. especially if you’re someone, that is trying to make use of the NGS, advertising the various types of guilds. removing, decreasing or increasing the time it takes for it to activate, should be considered.