Hello,

I am in desperate need of some advice. Since February, I was in a relationship with a girl that had a lot of similar interests with me. We both liked Computer Programming, the same TV shows, Classic Rock, and a lot of other things. We dated for a three or so months (not a lot), but she broke up with me in late April because I had not really kissed, hugged, or held hands like any other boyfriend would do. It is then when I figured out I was demi-romantic and demi-sexual.

Demi-romantics don't experience romantic attraction much, and only with those who are best friends or really close co workers. It is the same for demi-sexuals, who will only have sexual contact with those who are best friends or others that are close to them.

Anyway, shortly after, her best friend did not want to be friends anymore and he moved to Utah. My ex was very sad for her loss of a friend, and we soon became best friends. This is in May, after the breakup. We soon started talking as best friends and I felt a lot better. It is until she got a new boyfriend that I started getting these feelings.

I am jealous of her boyfriend, to shorten things up. I know we haven't dated long, but I am jealous that he is able to do romantic things like kissing and hugging, while I can't due to my inability to. I had always loved my ex, but I couldn't physically show it. She always tells me how they are making out or kissing or etc., and whenever she does, I get really sad and jealous of him.

I even got to the point where I told her I needed a month away from her to recollect my feelings (after she ditched me when we were talking to talk to her boyfriend), and she got really emotional and sad. She didn't want to lose me. I now believe that she is only using me as an emotional outlet for when she is sad, and needs to talk about her feelings. She is never there to hang out or have fun, because her boyfriend can provide that for her.

I feel like the only way to get rid of this problem is to end my friendship with her. I do not want to date her again, but I still feel this jealousy inside of me. Another option would be to find another girlfriend, but I am demi-romantic and I do not want to run into the same problem yet again. Is there any advise from people that were in similar situations?

Thank you so much.  

http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/466/043/7f4.png (Unsupported image host)

The only option I see in this situation is to force yourself to move along.

Things like this always happen and may or may not happen again in the future. Let's not forget, not all relationships run smooth.

You're feeling pretty bad now, but sooner or later you'll find some other special person that'll replace the bad feels with better ones.

Just chin up, and move along.  

I think you should move on from her, don't lose all hope about dating just because this one girl. I know how you're demi-romantic, so I honestly think before you rush into a relationship, get to know that person and bond a bit more so you feel comfortable around her. People learn, and move on from the past. Don't let her drag you down into feeling bad about her and not leaving her. If you don't leave her, you'll be the one feeling jealous and empty each time she tells you how romantic he is with her. So my overall message is to just move on and take that time to build your self-esteem back up. I really hope everything turns out fine for you.  

Posted by The Doctor

Hello,

I am in desperate need of some advice. Since February, I was in a relationship with a girl that had a lot of similar interests with me. We both liked Computer Programming, the same TV shows, Classic Rock, and a lot of other things. We dated for a three or so months (not a lot), but she broke up with me in late April because I had not really kissed, hugged, or held hands like any other boyfriend would do. It is then when I figured out I was demi-romantic and demi-sexual.

Demi-romantics don't experience romantic attraction much, and only with those who are best friends or really close co workers. It is the same for demi-sexuals, who will only have sexual contact with those who are best friends or others that are close to them.

Anyway, shortly after, her best friend did not want to be friends anymore and he moved to Utah. My ex was very sad for her loss of a friend, and we soon became best friends. This is in May, after the breakup. We soon started talking as best friends and I felt a lot better. It is until she got a new boyfriend that I started getting these feelings.

I am jealous of her boyfriend, to shorten things up. I know we haven't dated long, but I am jealous that he is able to do romantic things like kissing and hugging, while I can't due to my inability to. I had always loved my ex, but I couldn't physically show it. She always tells me how they are making out or kissing or etc., and whenever she does, I get really sad and jealous of him.

I even got to the point where I told her I needed a month away from her to recollect my feelings (after she ditched me when we were talking to talk to her boyfriend), and she got really emotional and sad. She didn't want to lose me. I now believe that she is only using me as an emotional outlet for when she is sad, and needs to talk about her feelings. She is never there to hang out or have fun, because her boyfriend can provide that for her.

I feel like the only way to get rid of this problem is to end my friendship with her. I do not want to date her again, but I still feel this jealousy inside of me. Another option would be to find another girlfriend, but I am demi-romantic and I do not want to run into the same problem yet again. Is there any advise from people that were in similar situations?

Thank you so much.

This is actually a very common problem.
Especially in newer generations.

I assume you'd rather have fun, normally by joking around and playing videogames, than to cuddle and kiss. Typically, people with similar symptoms are very... I want to say immature, but that's not the correct term in this case. Outgoing to their partner with an internal child-like personality you won't show near others (in some cases, this is like flirting. You know how some people show a joking rude-ness to flirt?)
This is completely normal, and believe it or not; it is quite common in BOTH genders.

I can't tell you if your feelings will change or not in the future as I've not studied this very much.

On the her-side of this -- women (at least here) show their sadness to their go-to hobby. Some people run a few blocks when sad, others swim, people play music, or even games of any sort.
You're her go-to where she can let go of her feelings and tell you how she feels.
Although she may be having fun with her new boyfriend, this doesn't mean she's happy with him internally.
To sum it all up, she pours her heart to you; her current relationship with him probably won't last as long as you think it will.

There are three options you could do in a situation like this...

1. Deny her. She will stop talking to you, you two will split ways. This option will not hurt her, but may hurt you on the inside (possibly). If she talks to you, respond with small words and frequently use periods : "Hey, how are you?" "Good." "That's nice, having fun?" "Yes."
You'll split ways, and after a short few weeks; feelings could be gone.

2. Confront her. Tell her how you seriously feel. Even show her this thread post!! You must tell her this entire problem you're having. If she really feels the same way of you that you feel of her, she'll choose you over a long period of time. Of course, denial is a first stage. So she won't leave him right away for you, if she does feel for you as you do her.

3. Stay her go-to. This could mean pain on your end, and even lead to some signs of depression. But guess who she will go to if her and that guy don't work out? Then that's your chance to get her and tell her how you feel.

There are endless possibilities, and since I don't personally know either of you; relate these options as closely as you believe them to be. Psycologically, you should probably move on. Being her go-to for sadness will just bleed into your soul and fill you up until you finally let it all go. Depression. Don't let that happen.
Do what you feel best, in the least amount of time possible.

If you've got any extra information I've not covered or questions, I could probably help you out with more knowledge on you two personally. Let me know anything else. Hopefully I helped at least a little bit.

Note: you could also mix-and-match options. As long as this doesn't lead her to mixed-feelings. For example: you could also stay her go-to even after you confront her of these problems. And still show her this thread.  

Posted by 5hift

Spoiler

http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/466/043/7f4.png (Unsupported image host)

The only option I see in this situation is to force yourself to move along.

Things like this always happen and may or may not happen again in the future. Let's not forget, not all relationships run smooth.

You're feeling pretty bad now, but sooner or later you'll find some other special person that'll replace the bad feels with better ones.

Just chin up, and move along.

This seems like a great solution, and I think it seems like a really great idea, but I don't know how long I am going to feel this way. I've been like this for months (they started dating June 13).

Posted by Maniac S.

Spoiler

I think you should move on from her, don't lose all hope about dating just because this one girl. I know how you're demi-romantic, so I honestly think before you rush into a relationship, get to know that person and bond a bit more so you feel comfortable around her. People learn, and move on from the past. Don't let her drag you down into feeling bad about her and not leaving her. If you don't leave her, you'll be the one feeling jealous and empty each time she tells you how romantic he is with her. So my overall message is to just move on and take that time to build your self-esteem back up. I really hope everything turns out fine for you.

I am trying to move on from her, but I do not want to lose her as a friend either. When I try to move on without breaking off our friendship, I still have the huge emotional burden as I do currently.

Posted by Fysez

Spoiler

This is actually a very common problem.
Especially in newer generations.

I assume you'd rather have fun, normally by joking around and playing videogames, than to cuddle and kiss. Typically, people with similar symptoms are very... I want to say immature, but that's not the correct term in this case. Outgoing to their partner with an internal child-like personality you won't show near others (in some cases, this is like flirting. You know how some people show a joking rude-ness to flirt?)
This is completely normal, and believe it or not; it is quite common in BOTH genders.

I can't tell you if your feelings will change or not in the future as I've not studied this very much.

On the her-side of this -- women (at least here) show their sadness to their go-to hobby. Some people run a few blocks when sad, others swim, people play music, or even games of any sort.
You're her go-to where she can let go of her feelings and tell you how she feels.
Although she may be having fun with her new boyfriend, this doesn't mean she's happy with him internally.
To sum it all up, she pours her heart to you; her current relationship with him probably won't last as long as you think it will.

There are three options you could do in a situation like this...

1. Deny her. She will stop talking to you, you two will split ways. This option will not hurt her, but may hurt you on the inside (possibly). If she talks to you, respond with small words and frequently use periods : "Hey, how are you?" "Good." "That's nice, having fun?" "Yes."
You'll split ways, and after a short few weeks; feelings could be gone.

2. Confront her. Tell her how you seriously feel. Even show her this thread post!! You must tell her this entire problem you're having. If she really feels the same way of you that you feel of her, she'll choose you over a long period of time. Of course, denial is a first stage. So she won't leave him right away for you, if she does feel for you as you do her.

3. Stay her go-to. This could mean pain on your end, and even lead to some signs of depression. But guess who she will go to if her and that guy don't work out? Then that's your chance to get her and tell her how you feel.

There are endless possibilities, and since I don't personally know either of you; relate these options as closely as you believe them to be. Psycologically, you should probably move on. Being her go-to for sadness will just bleed into your soul and fill you up until you finally let it all go. Depression. Don't let that happen.
Do what you feel best, in the least amount of time possible.

If you've got any extra information I've not covered or questions, I could probably help you out with more knowledge on you two personally. Let me know anything else. Hopefully I helped at least a little bit.

Note: you could also mix-and-match options. As long as this doesn't lead her to mixed-feelings. For example: you could also stay her go-to even after you confront her of these problems. And still show her this thread.

Thank you so much for your in-depth post. I think I may confront her, but I don't know how she will react. Perhaps I should wait a couple of months and reevaluate myself. Thanks for providing your point of view !

Thank you all for your suggestions. I am still open for more suggestions, and your opinions.  

Sever all ties. Unless you actually, honestly enjoy talking to or being around her (moreso than other people you're close to), you're getting nothing out of this "relationship" and you're just making you and her uncomfortable with where you are. Have to let people go, if it's for the best of both of you, which it seems to be. Good luck.  

Posted by Talon

Sever all ties.

 

We've all make (probably not all but most) made these awkward mistakes. I wouldn't dwell on her, because it is easy to do that in this situation (i've been there). The best way to start a relationship sexual/romantic is to start the entire relationship that way. A really easy go to strategy with new girls is when they tell you "they've never kissed anybody". That is the perfect setup. You give them a sly smile and you tell them that you are going to teach her how to be a pro in one day. You then tell her she is coming home with you and your going to show her everything you know. If you act like you are shy and trying to invite her without hurting her feelings you will get labeled as weak and insecure. Girls like when a guy is straight up confident about making moves-and if you get rejected while making those moves,
you just gotta say
"whoops, sorry bout that, your so cute it was hard to resist. Don't take it personally, I have a tendency to wanna kiss cute girls".

I went a little off topic but the best way to get confident in a relationship is to build it from the start as a physical relationship along with the romantics and feelings. It will never be hard to make a move once you guys have hooked up  

Fysez, I have some extra information regarding the relationship problem. When we broke up, she initially told me that something happened and she can only find love in her family at the current time. I felt like I needed to know what happened, so I asked her best friend. He was reluctant at first, but then he said that she was selfish, and told me that she came out pansexual. It was until later that I figured out this was not the true cause of the relationship (pansexuals like men and women, and I'm a guy, so that's not a real reason). She figured out her best friend told me, and of course got a bit angry with him and I. That's why he ended his friendship with her. Later on, her and I got closer as friends and soon became best friends. It is then when she told me that she thought I didn't love her (because of my reluctancy to hug or kiss). I was happy with this new information. But it was still bugging me. Her ex-best friend contacted me on his cell phone and told me this was not the case, and the breakup was because she was not having fun. I honestly don't know how to feel as her third wheel when she broke up because she didn't have fun, while expecting me to be happy as a wingman.

Talon, I was thinking this, but I don't want to get rid of a really good friend. I will wait a few months and reevaluate my feelings for her.

Kendama, I'm not looking for another relationship with her, but I'll (maybe) take your advise for other women I fall for. I'm looking to go slowly in a relationship, so maybe this is not ideal. Thanks, though.  

She founds finicky and annoying. Her (ex?) best friend doesn't sound much better. I think it's time to (what Talon said).  

Posted by The Doctor

Fysez, I have some extra information regarding the relationship problem. When we broke up, she initially told me that something happened and she can only find love in her family at the current time. I felt like I needed to know what happened, so I asked her best friend. He was reluctant at first, but then he said that she was selfish, and told me that she came out pansexual. It was until later that I figured out this was not the true cause of the relationship (pansexuals like men and women, and I'm a guy, so that's not a real reason). She figured out her best friend told me, and of course got a bit angry with him and I. That's why he ended his friendship with her. Later on, her and I got closer as friends and soon became best friends. It is then when she told me that she thought I didn't love her (because of my reluctancy to hug or kiss). I was happy with this new information. But it was still bugging me. Her ex-best friend contacted me on his cell phone and told me this was not the case, and the breakup was because she was not having fun. I honestly don't know how to feel as her third wheel when she broke up because she didn't have fun, while expecting me to be happy as a wingman.

Talon, I was thinking this, but I don't want to get rid of a really good friend. I will wait a few months and reevaluate my feelings for her.

Kendama, I'm not looking for another relationship with her, but I'll (maybe) take your advise for other women I fall for. I'm looking to go slowly in a relationship, so maybe this is not ideal. Thanks, though.

So...

She prefers men that make her have fun?

Sounds to me she's the one who isn't going to have too many good relationships in the future...  

Posted by 5hift

So...

She prefers men that make her have fun?

Sounds to me she's the one who isn't going to have too many good relationships in the future...

Can't tell if this is sarcasm  

finding a gf advice:
find a girl that is demi-romantic and demi-sexual. Its ok if theres no kissing, smexing, and affection, most marriages end up like that by the 10th year.



feelings towards the current situation:
if you dont want to get back together and youre having weird feelings i would say is your teenage man ego taking a hit.  

Posted by Kendama

Can't tell if this is sarcasm

Probably because it isn't.  

Posted by GOAT

finding a gf advice:
find a girl that is demi-romantic and demi-sexual. Its ok if theres no kissing, smexing, and affection, most marriages end up like that by the 10th year.



feelings towards the current situation:
if you dont want to get back together and youre having weird feelings i would say is your teenage man ego taking a hit.

I'd be more compatible with those who are very close to me. Then I will kiss and hug, and more mature activities.