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09-16-2011
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16 |
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Stroseria Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: None of your business
Posts: 329
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yeah I understand... ehh overall its still good |
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09-18-2011
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17 |
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Scientist
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: California, USA
Posts: 1,491
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Looks exciting so far. One suggestion though, in the first part it's from the perspective of a young child, but it sort of seems like she's older by the way it's told... I guess what I'm saying is she probably wouldn't understand what was going on so clearly
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09-19-2011
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18 |
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Graalian
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Belle Isle
Posts: 4,481
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AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! better then anything ive ever read i swear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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09-14-2012
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19 |
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iZone Patrol
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Virgin Country, USA
Posts: 255
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bump
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09-14-2012
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20 |
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.47
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Wundahland!
Posts: 1,921
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Vary your word choice and sentence structure. Makes your story more interesting to read.
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09-14-2012
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21 |
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princess
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: peterborough, ontario
Posts: 1,740
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I hate lovey stuff
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