my only problem is how the phrase "you shouldn't hit a girl" is used more often than "you shouldn't hit anyone"
the "you shouldn't do x to a female" usually is something you shouldn't do at all to a male or female yet it's always specified to the female gender
to answer the question, there is a big difference between self defense and just hitting people you can defend yourself without having to throw a punch but that's a different debate and it shouldn't matter if it's male or female, part of the issue is this discussion right here is focusing on if it's abuse or not if the target is a female when the reality is we should be asking if it's abuse or not to hit anyone in self defense, the whole idea of women claiming it is abuse towards women and just not abuse in general is stupid IMO
part of the problem with feminism is they say it's for equality but only push female-related matters even if it's an issue that can involve any gender