Friendship confusion.
 

Alright,
Recently, my clique has split into two seperate cliques (although we still sit together as one). The one I am in contains three significant people who I am having troubles with. They're called Grace, Scarlet and Maddy.
I'm in a pastoral class (classes for English, history, science, etc. ) with Grace, and in the same German class as Scarlet. We're all in the same maths class.

So Grace has always been an outgoing and confident person. She has a gene (?) or something similar that causes her to not store much fat, so she doesn't have any body issues. She's the one I have the most problems with - and I consider her my BFF. We aren't the popular group nor the 'weird' group yet she talks to the populars in the class normally (I know they're people too but be realistic). I suppose you could say she wants to be one.
In PE (swimming unit) today, Grace didn't talk to me at all and swam with a girl called Lily. As most of my clique (big one) are in other classes, I'm almost always on my own if she isn't with me. I'm not the most extroverted person so I have trouble making new friends. She always hangs out with other people and practically never with me. To top it off, when there was clearly enough space in the shower she let Lily in to share but not me (and this was when they brought their own shampoo and conditioner so they didn't use mine); and at the beginning of the lesson she didn't save a spot for me near the bag hooks in the changing room (a good place to change); and didn't wait for me at the end!

Scarlet moved from her old 'more popular' clique to us, and I also have problems with her as well. This week Grace and her haven't been letting me walk up the stairs because I'm 'unfit'. They're not calling me fat, and I'm not, just I have low levels of endurance and strength. She also bought Grace a chocolate but not one for me because I didn't give her one yesterday, even though Grace has never bought anyone anything. And then she goes into saying I won't get a boyfriend because I'm taller than most in my brother school's grade.

Maddy has done nothing wrong, and even said "guys stop being mean" (with a serious tone) while Grace and Scarlet weren't giving me any chocolate (as they were teasing me about it. Although sometimes we have sessions on Kik where we bitch about other people in our grade. I hate this, because I feel as if I don't bitch about others with her she'll ditch me.
I might also add that in Assembly I was given a Distinction in the ICAS science competition, which Grace also entered in but didn't get one, and nobody congratulated me personally and they forgot about it.

I am confused as to what I should do; if I distance myself from them I would become a loner, and I don't exactly appreciate what they do.

Note: it's not that they are never nice to me.

You may not be extroverted, but I'd think twice about calling her your BFF lol. Either speak to her and ask whats the matter, have you done something wrong etc. but if my BFF weren't giving me chocolate bars anymore I would have moved on!!

Honestly though, you probably have more friends than you think outside your cliche. Tell them how you feel and if they're not taking it seriously/changing you're better off moving on.

So this Grace, are you saying she has no booty.

Idk about girl/boy groups but I'm just assuming there kinda similar ( wherever you are from) but if you don't like them,avoid them. If you have to act with them,, I guess just do as minimum as possible. If THEY don't like YOU, and want to avoid you and also make your life hard, just go up and talk about it. By this point I'm already pissed, but I'm trying to go slow. If all else fails, fight.

actually you might not want to get advice from me cause I've been in in school suspension over 20 times. But you get the point.

If your BFF isn't paying attention to you, I'd suggest you move on from her. There are plenty of people willing to pour time into an actual friendship. If your friend isn't there for you, it's time that you leave.

Scarlet and Grace sound like heathens. Kill those infidel traitors and bury their bodies in their respective backyards.

Or to really confuse people bury them in each others backyards.

Plat, if this is really how you say it is, then I'd suggest trying to find new friends, because in these situations, you'll end up being hurt a lot more, even if they are your friends, it's about what makes you happy, not them.

Really, the solution to all these "friend" problems are to just move on and make new ones.

Not saying friends are expendable, it's just that s*** happens.

So don't be surprised (unless you're actually a horrible person which I'm sure you're not) since this sort of thing could happen to ANYONE.

Its simple, why would you want to be friends with someone that treats you like crap. Also, as you're growing up friends can just simply lose common interest and start parting ways. There's no point in making yourself stress out.

I've been where you're at. I went to an all-girls school, and went through all sorts of ridiculous angsty BS teenager mind games. So, here's my advice, and it's not going to sound like a comfortable option for you; but it is what I've learned after dealing with these things.

NEVER GO ALONG WITH THE BULL****. I know they're not horrible people. But honestly, gossiping and talking down about other girls just makes a person look stupid. You're not comfortable saying **** about other girls-- don't do it. REFUSE to do it. And tell them why. You know why people talk down on others? Dominance. They want to have "dominance" over that person, for just a moment, in private.

If you tell, or even yell at them, they will not ditch you. If you tell them how crappy gossiping makes them look, to their faces, they'll feel momentarily defeated. And they won't let you go because of that, because you've posed a new challenge to them. You're suddenly a more individual thinker, and that provokes interest.

As for your BFF that often ditches you-- that's probably because she feels like she has total power over you. She might even think that you need her. Well, that's wrong. Next time, don't even go looking for her. Do your own thing; and get used to doing your own thing, on your own. She'll be confused, and realize she's not needed anymore. That's when she starts looking for you.

As for the chocolate? Totally elementary. That would get to me too, since I was a very giving friend. But it's whatever-- just don't freely give things to her anymore, if it bothers her so much.

A few of my friends were a lot like you described. I got sick of it. After a lot more issues with my "clique", during my junior/senior year, I pretty much isolated myself. I'd still sit with them, but I was almost never interested. And since my class was only 50 people, I couldn't really go and make new friends; but yeah. That's my high school experience. But doesn't have to be yours.

Pretty much what Latte said. She hit the nail on the head. Your dependency on them has turned your active and valued friendship into a passive and clingy burden. Perhaps its not as harsh of a transformation as I've described but you need to understand that your friends don't feel that you are contributing to the group. And by contributing, I don't mean buying chocolates for them or following them or making jokes with them. You are NOT contributing to the mental interest of the group. Meaning; You are not interesting/attracting their attention.

Solution? What Latte has said. I suggest you take this time to personally develop your own interests. Spend time alone with yourself, find interests and hobbies, study and make yourself better......discover yourself independently. That alone will benefit you more than this passive/uncontributing friendship and will also actually get their interest/attention. In their eyes, as you are moving forward and discovering your talents, their curiosity and interest in you will also grow. They will come to value your active part in their friendship again solely out of your independent growth away from them.

I'm not good with girls actually I'm really, really bad, but you should just ditch those friends cause they obviously are trying to make your life hard. Is it just that you can't get away from them or are you trying to act normal when the Harrass you?

Gossip is pretty shallow; get new friends.

Thank you, both of you. I will try to distance myself from them and talk to some other people in my class more. I don't like the way the treat me, and now I really should do something about it. A lot of the times in the conversations we have they talk about boys that go to our brother school (who I don't know), so I'm left out a lot. And the other day the told me that wasabi was guacamole (I suspected it was wasabi though) and I took a big bit...
The only question I have is do I ditch them? Or do I just not talk to them and decline their invitations?

if they invite u,accept it.but just dont like join them every day.it basically feels like they are the leader of the group.

Wow.

Those people are the spitting image of rich, American teenager girls.

So probably should decline their invitations and ignore them.

They'll probably forget about you sooner or later.

You should do the same.

I might ask another group if I can sit with them for a while, I think. They used to be a part of ours last year but then separated from us.

So ditch them sometimes to regain independence?

yea.the point is,u may want to keep them,but ditching them and sitting with some other people makes them want u more,if they actually care about u.u are probably going to like ur new friends better than ur old ones,and they might ask u to sit with them again,u can,but accepting it on the first time seems like ur trying too hard.if they give up they dont give a **** anymore.
but dont listen to mine,since i cannot give u perfect advice.also,if htey beg,u should probably accept.

You're your own person so you shouldn't have to take **** from these assholes.

From what you've told us, they only seem to keep you around for their own entertainment.

So yeah, forget those losers.

You go gurl!

I've never actually been a part of the high school drama thing, because, well, I am just too lazy for it, so I may not completely understand what you are saying, however, I do know a thing or two about losing and making friends.

In high school, I wasn't the most popular person, but I was the guy that could go around and sit with any group and get along fine. I was what people call a "floater" I guess, just someone who doesn't stick to one group but floats around. One group is too boring.

That being said, I have learned that it is better to be alone and happy, then with someone and uneasy, sad or uncomfortable. High school is a lot of peer pressure, and growing up. Be your own person, whoever doesn't like it doesn't matter, whoever does you should welcome into your life. It sounds like you are just going along with the flow here with these girls, and it can turn you into a bad person if you continue down that path. You already stated you are trash talking other people to make them happy.

Be your own person. Get a hobby. Join an after school activity. Meet new people. Broaden your comfort zone. Honestly, when you get to the age I am at, and look back at grade school, you will wish you took more chances. Because honestly, you have nothing to lose at your age, and everything to gain.

That's what I would do. And I also would follow Jester's advice.

rep because he sounded so pro and smart and stuff.

They took the initiative and did the right thing lol, and who knows, I wouldn't be surprised if your other friends would come crawling asking to sit with you guys too!

Ive been in the same situation as u with a despicable best friend except on the male end of the spectrum i was best friends with him as soon as he joined my primary school in the second year and i can tell you as soon as we hit high school he ditched me and never talked to me again until the next school year when those friends ditched him he imediately became one of my good friends again as if i was some kind of fall guy but then he finds another group same thing happens again abanndoned by now i was really p***** off and naturaly became friends with another kid who to some degree became my best friend but he had issues due to his mum being an alcoholic and treated me like s*** and used me as his personal jester but i did have a few good moments but he made me an outcast by making up storys about me for comical reasons anyway in the end guess who returns hoping to be best friends with me again and again he lures me in a bit until i find a different friend so i stayed as a best friend up until he makes some new friends which i could tell wherent very decent people but i stayed with him for a while anyway towards present day we strat arguing and i notice that hes really fake and copy everything from some kind of youtuber then me and him are both into art and we got picked to do this big clay picture so a couple of kids start throwing clay about so i throw a bit at his and he picks up a modeling knife i tell him not to throw it at me he threw it dead centre at my hand i took a dive for him and said it was me im no longer aloud to do the clay work and many weeks pass of no longer talking to each other i was never apologised to or shown an ounce of guilt so for me personaly id say best friends arent worth the hastle and you end up a lot more depressed letting them treat you terribly than being alone for a while im still good friends with my original best friend but i still do t feel at ease with him and he is still very oblivious towards me


So if you really want to be happy i wouldnt waste your time being bestfriends with this girl if you dont enjoy her company i would however keep being friends with her so if you do feel like it not working you can sort something out i would seriously tell her how you feel and if your not comfortable with talking to her like that dont bother shes the one who has lost something dont make the mistakes i do and let people take advantage of you because you think you can help them with there problems as it really messed me up if im brutaly honest the acts shes commited towards you are forgivableso far bar ditching you i think shes just being playful.and all the things like saying your too tall for boys your age will change (for better or for worst ) but i would definately not make the same mistakes i did as it would be a shame to see a kind person such as yourself end up like me but at the end of the day none of the people here know the full story so dont be reliant on others but do be inspired anyway hope you come to the right decision

lol u you too good for them.

I'm not going to lie...the lack of periods in your whole thing made me exhausted lol and I imagined it to be the pissed off rant of a middle-aged woman. :shy:

But you had good intentions with your message. there are things here she could learn from in your experience.

Yeah it was typed too early for me and i had plans to edit it later

My child hood friend of 14 years ditched me in high school because he wanted to fit in with a new "cooler" group, how he did it made me even more mad.

Instead of just telling me 14 years of friendship was worthless to him he had to make a scene at school and make fun of me for things we had both done together as kids and even brought up really personal matters only he knew about it, really just made me never want to socialize again (god bless the lads I've met here who turned out to be good friends). Best part is few months later the group had ditched him too and he tried to crawl back to me, consider me an asshole but I said no.

You will have a lot of drama with friends at this point in your life but in the end you will find out who the real ones are and when you get older it gets much better.

I ditched Grace yesterday in class, and sat with another group, which I believe made her think twice in how she sometimes ignored me. If she treats me badly I shall ditch her again!
Thanks for your stories everyone, I feel like I can relate to them and it's nice to know that I'm not the only one going through this, and that if most people can get through it I probably can too!

When I first got to my high school I was a part of this larger group who most went to the same primary school so they all knew eachother, hung around with them for a few years and played Xbox with them but I was the guy who received most of the stick lol.

I changed groups, met all these amazing people and stuck with them for years who I'm gonna miss so much when we all go our seperate ways for uni/work. I still talk to some of those from my older group all those years ago and would love to see some of them again (I stayed on for Sixth Form whereas they left) but I'm so glad I changed groups all those years ago lol.

Try and talk to them.